I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
