I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
