and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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