You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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