I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
