Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
