I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
