i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
