Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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