I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
