Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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