Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
