Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
