I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
