god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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