Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ugly people sure do ruin things
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
