I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
