I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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