Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who died my cat blue again?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
