So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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