You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
