Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
