you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
