you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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