I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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