Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
