Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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