Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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