i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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