can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
