Just cropdusted the office
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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