Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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