so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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