i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
