oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize