Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
