I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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