I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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