So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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