i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
