You're so nebulous sometimes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
