WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
