the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
