you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
