I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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