Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
