you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
