dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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