Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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