Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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