so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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