I think my vagina is haunted
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
