i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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