I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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