It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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