I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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