Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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