Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
