can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
