He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
