I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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