if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
