As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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