Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
