so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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