don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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