sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
