Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
