i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
