During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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