will power is for people who don't want to get laid
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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