You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize