Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
