Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
