i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
