The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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